Meditation

The problem with having everything outwardly so nice and shiny means that you can never seriously complain about everything. Some people might even accuse you outright (and then retract and say they were joking) if mention wanting anything at all, saying "how can you wish for anything else you have such good things!". Or, like someone used to say to me all the time, we are the richest very privileged few of the world, the greatest majority of the remaining population can barely eat.

Ah yes, how often have we heard this. 

But, everybody has somehting that they miss, something that makes them sad, even if a lot is good!

For me, one of these things is the dilemma: I gladly chose to be a freelance worker in order to be home for my children, but of course living in an expensive rent are like Cambridge means I have to work all the time, which in turn means quality time with the children is usually difficult to find, it means my home is a place of (a lot of) work, it means I never get the chance to read a book, play a videogame, even seeing people who live around me is not quite so easy. It means I can't get ill, or well, if I do, I have to work anyway. It also means that even going on holiday in a splendid beach town in Italy, with no accomodation expenses, where I could read, and play with my daughter on the beach, is not feasible.

When I was younger and less married and less responsible, I would find a way. I would always find a way. I guess growing up means you just kind of stop thinking about things, so your brain never gets in motion to find solutions that would come so easily, and perhaps irresponsibly, as a teenager and youth.

Now my question to myself is: Do I stop finding solutions, or fighting to get my way, because I'm older and wiser? Or is it to keep the peace, to not unsettle things? Or do I get older because I stop looking for solutions and fighting to have my way?

The card for this mediation is of course the Two of Swords.